If You Want To Get Your Ex Back Then You Must Read This!
submitted: Aug 27th 2008 |
by: BenjaminWise
Total views: 8 |
Word Count: 531 |
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For some people, breaking up with their partner is an unacceptable fate. As such, they immediately set out to get their ex back. If you want to rekindle a relationship that has gone sour, there are several steps you can take to help make achieving this goal a little more likely, regardless of the circumstance or situation of the break up.
Right now you may not know what to do and feel completely lost. This is understandable, but the last thing we want to do - which I think you would agree with, is acting out of confusion.
The first requires some introspection on your part. The intensely emotional nature of most break-ups almost inevitably leads the person who's been broken up with to leap to conclusions about their ex. It is essential that you do not do this.
Once you have identified areas in which you can improve, it's time to take responsibility for them. Tell you ex what you have discovered, but be sure to do it in such a way you are not qualifying it by blaming the root action on them. Saying, "I messed up but it was all your fault" does not come across as a reconciliation, it sounds like an accusation. Obviously, no one is going to want to get back with a person telling them its all their fault (think of it this way, if your ex said something like that to you, how would you feel?).
This means accepting the blame, and letting your ex know that you're prepared to own up to your part of the break up. What this does not mean, however, is rationalizing your actions to be the other person's fault. In other words, don't say, "I did these things but it was because of you." This isn't an apology, it's an accusation and can only serve to anger your ex or put them in a position of being defensive, not receptive to the prospect of a reconciliation.
You are only half of the break up, though, and as such can only be half of the solution. Listen to what your ex has to say, too. Although some of what they share with you may not be easy or pleasant to hear, it's important to not react on a purely emotional level. Don't interrupt. You will learn a lot more about what is going on in your ex's head and heart by hearing complete sentences and thoughts than you will by interrupting them before they can qualify the first part of a sentence.
That means taking some time out for yourself and reflecting on the issues your ex may have pointed out to you. Do you think they are things you can improve? Are they asking you change a habit or pattern, or are they asking you to change who you are?
The difference in the latter question is key. Be sure the differences between you and your ex can be solved and are reasonable. You should also be sure you are motivated to get your ex back not simply because you are used to them being in your life and have become co-dependent, but because you truly want to build a life with this person.
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