When A Partner Is Unfaithful Is Divorce The Only Way Out?
submitted: Apr 17th 2008 |
by: AlexArcher
Total views: 9 |
Word Count: 646 |
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Most of us either know someone who has been touched by divorce or have been touched by it ourselves. It is sadly a fact of life for too many families in our society.
The high toll of divorce, financially or emotionally, can be devastating to the people involved. This subject has touched me personally with a sibling. I can vividly remember the day my sister called me to tell me that she caught her husband bringing another woman to their home. It was really like someone else's life to her. She had known her husband since they were children. Now, after 17 years of marriage, she felt that divorce was her only answer.
My sister basically fell apart in the following months. Between numerous lawyer visits and court appearances, my sister lost weight, cried constantly, lost her self esteem and became increasingly reliant on others for her basic needs.
She had no savings so had to rely on so she turned to our parents for assistance, help they could ill afford to give. They helped her with legal expenses and also with money for her basic living necessities. She asked me to help with the details of the divorce settlement, something I felt was a no-win situation for me, I could see that no matter what the outcome I would be blamed for any shortcomings.
As all of this was progressing, an interesting thing began to happen. My sister started talking to her husband on the phone every day. I noticed that she began to eat again and she didn't bite my head off every time I said something to her. I really didn't want her to go back to her husband, but it seemed that he was the only person who could make her happy. I had to step back and let her make her own decisions. After all, it was her life, not mine. This was something I had to remind myself over and over again.
Of course, the reconciliation process wasn't expected to be an easy one. My sister and her husband agreed to see a marriage counselor who told them that reconciliation was indeed possible but would require significant effort on their part and real dedication to making their marriage work again. They decided that they would do whatever was necessary to make things right once again.
In a way, forgiveness was the key to the resurrection of their marriage. I certainly underestimated the amount of forgiveness my sister had in her heart but there was apparently enough. All of this happened five years ago and they have been happily married since getting back together. They worked hard to regain the trust that was lost and they continue to work at keeping their marriage a happy one. They make it a point to set aside time to be together, plan annual vacations and always have a little talk before going to sleep at night.
The cost of divorce is high, both financially and emotionally. It is especially costly to children when they are involved. Besides the heartbreak their self esteem will most certainly take a hit. So it makes sense to pay attention to how your marriage is going and doing what you feel needs to be done to keep it on track. I have learned, and perhaps you should as well, the value of setting aside time to be with your spouse. Whether it's a night on the town or walking a couple of blocks to get a hot dog, these times can be special. Finally, let's not forget that when we get married we are taking sacred vows and these vows are for a lifetime. In good times or bad you want to make your marriage work and not let the thought separating ever take root.
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Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don't suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.
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