Articles on Love

submitted: Aug 13th 2008 | by: LisaCopen
Total views: 1 | Word Count: 675 | | |

When your wife has a chronic illness, though you may love her no matter what, it can be hard for her to get into a romantic mood. Physical pain from the actual illness to weight gain or loss, bloating, and less-than-fun symptoms of medication can all be a deterrent to some romantic moments.

It's important to know that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Sadly, seventy-five percent of them end in divorce.

So, how can you encourage her and maybe even get some of that romance back into your marriage? Here are some ideas to add some romance into your marriage.

Go ahead and buy her that box of chocolate, but if she is watching her weight, don't ruin her diet. Instead find some Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate at your local Target or even the pharmacy. Chocolate, along with coconut, pecans, and many more, all contain phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love." Good place to start, don't you think?

Be affectionate by simply reaching for her hand. Yes, I know you're hoping for more than holding hands, but if she's in physical pain it's going to take some real romance on your part to distract her from pain and get her refocused on you. Rub her back (gently!), cuddle, snuggle and don't pressure her for more. Pretty soon she'll be reaching out to you.

Tell her all the things you love about her: how strong she is, how much you admire her strength in coping with illness, how you're sticking around no matter what. Who needs romantic poetry? Speak from the heart!

Pamper her by purchasing her something that she wouldn't splurge on for herself. Let her know you are listening to her by purchasing a CD that she says has one of her favorite news songs on it. Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well.

Schedule a retreat for her at home. Find care for the kids, bring home dinner, and don't say anything when you come home at 6 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.

Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."

Being romantic at home isn't hard. Purchase a fondue pot and tell her that you will bring home something to dip every Wednesday night so you two can sit and have a conversation over candlelight (and cheese, chocolate, marshmallow, etc.)

Don't know how to start a conversation that can lead to romance? There are loads of books about "conversation starters" and most have a romantic version. "Red Hot Monogamy" by Bill and Pam Farrell is also a good book to read to gain some ideas.

Don't forget to make a few changes in the bedroom to spark some romance. As silly as it sounds, candles, roses, and a great play list on your ipod tells her that you cared enough to set the mood for her.

There is no perfect way to romance your wife because every woman is different and needing different things. So communication is the key. Ask, "What are your biggest concerns right now? How can I help you feel more loved?"

When you make an effort to increase the romance in the relationship, chances are she will notice and appreciate the effort so much you may not get a chance to finish that book on romancing your wife, because she may be ready for some romance. And don't forget, doing the dishes or the laundry can be the best way to your wife's heart.

About the Author

Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen when you signup for to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded Invisible Illness Awareness

Comments

No comments posted.

You do not have permission to comment. If you log in, you may be able to comment.