How A Woman with Illness Can Romance Her Husband
submitted: Aug 13th 2008 |
by: LisaCopen
Total views: 3 |
Word Count: 788 |
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"Hot and bothered!" For most people these words create images of being twisted up in sheets, breathlessly reaching out to the one you love. For those with chronic illness, however, "hot" is more likely to refer to one's thyroid condition, night sweats, or a heating pad on high. "Bothered. . ." Well, let's just say when your body aches, everything makes you feel bothered: a cat that won't move off your leg, a joint that continues to throb, and a husband that is able to snore through minor earthquakes. It can be hard to be romantic!
Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce. But romantic ideas don't have to be used just on Valentine's Day.
So, how do you create that romantic environment when you are in physical pain? I've got some creative romantic ideas to get some of that spark back!
Make an effort. Stop with the excuses. "I'm tired, I don't feel good. I am in so much pain." I've said them all. Guess what? You'll probably always be tired. Put on some music, sit back and relax. You're in pain? If you can push past some of the physical pain you'll soon be distracted and forget at least a good part of it.
Make romance a priority. That means not spending the whole Saturday cleaning your house and then being exhausted. Rest up, even if it's just so you can have a conversation without falling asleep.
Show some enthusiasm for getting to spend a romantic evening with your loved one. Even if it's just a nice dinner out, don't say, "I'm feeling terrible, but I really wanted to do this for you." (Hint: that won't turn him or her on!) Flirt a little bit. Talk about some fun times you've had or dreams you'd still like to pursue. Give yourself the gift of not talking about your illness the entire night.
Even if you don't have the gift of writing poetry, do something that tells your spouse how much you appreciate him. Cover a page with sentences of things you appreciate and love using different colored markers. Make up a mini-photo albumn.
Think of all of the thing you notice your spouse does that is never done with complaint and write them down with a bit thank you at the bottom. Does he take out the garbage, get you medicine in the middle of the night, bathe your child without complaint, or even clean out the litter box? Write these out or type tehm in fun fonts as something for him to treasure.
Women, let's get real. Regardless of your weight, get over feeling self-conscious and buy some underwear from a store that doesn't also sell tires.
Ask your teen how to use that text message feature on your cell phone and send him a message that will make him look twice at who sent it to him! Go for it and be romantic, especially if it's the kind of thing you'd never usually do or say.
Design some simple home-made coupons for something he would enjoy but typically wouldn't do because he feel he needs to take care of you or just spend time with you. For example, "Good for 5 guilt-free hours with your friends watching baseball." Don't even make him feel badly for doing things you can't do like taking a hike or going for a roller coaster ride.
Perfect marriages don't exist. But they can be one of the most amazing experiences in your life when both people are involved in keeping it alive. In fact, the existence of a chronic illness in a marriage can make your relationship even stronger. Romance comes in many forms. I know I loved my husband more than ever the evening I literally couldn't move when I had a rheumatoid arthritis flare and he slept on the floor beside the couch to comfort me every time I moved or screamed out in pain.
Love is complicated and can come in many forms. One of the books I've bought all the couples in my life is "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs" by Emerson Eggerichs. It talks a lot about "love languages." For example, men feel loved when they feel respected, while women want to feel loved with emotions and communication. A lot of times we are giving our spouse what we desire rather than the "love language" they most need. Being aware of all of the small ways we can show each other love and respect will add up to romance the whole year through.
About the Author
Free 40 pages of "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend" by Lisa Copen when you sign up for HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness Week
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